Quote 18 Jaar
Summary: Chapter 17
Esther gets moved from Caplan, her current ward, to Belsize,a ward for the women closest to release. She does not feel muchimproved, but feels relieved that the threat of shock treatmentshas diminished. The women at Belsize behave fairly normally, playingbridge and gossiping. Esther sits with them, and Joan, who was movedto Belsize earlier, finds a picture of Esther in her fashion magazine.Esther says it is not her.
Quotes 18 Jaar Instagram
The next morning, the nurse fails to bring Esther a breakfasttray. Esther thinks a mistake has been made, for only girls whoare to have shock treatments miss their morning tray. But the nurseconfirms that Esther will not receive her breakfast until later.Esther hides in the hall and weeps, terrified by the prospect ofthe treatment, but even more upset that Dr. Nolan did not warn heras she promised to do. Dr. Nolan arrives and comforts her, sayingshe did not tell Esther about the treatment the day before becauseshe did not want her to worry all night, and she will take Estherto the treatment herself. Miss Huey, the nurse who administers thetreatment, speaks kindly to Esther. As soon as the treatment begins,Esther falls unconscious.
Summary: Chapter 18
Quote 18 Jaar
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Esther wakes from her shock treatment to find Dr. Nolanwith her. They go outside, and Esther notices that the metaphoricalbell jar has lifted and she can breathe the open air. Dr. Nolantells her she will have shock treatments three times a week. Later,when Esther cracks an egg open with a knife, she remembers she usedto love knives. When she tries to remember why, her mind “slippedfrom the noose of the thought and swung, like a bird, in the centerof empty air.”
Both Joan and Esther receive letters from Buddy Willard,who wants to come visit. Joan, who used to date Buddy, explainsthat she liked Buddy’s family more than she liked him—they seemedso normal compared to her own family. Joan wants Buddy to come visit andbring his mother. Earlier Esther hated the idea of his visit, but nowshe believes that it may allow her to close that part of her life.
Earlier that morning, Esther had come upon Joan and DeeDee, anotherpatient, in bed together. She asks Dr. Nolan what women saw in eachother, and Dr. Nolan responds, “Tenderness.” Now Joan tells Estherthat she likes her better than she likes Buddy. Esther recalls otherlesbians she has known, two college classmates who caused a smallscandal, and a professor. She roughly rebukes Joan and walks away.
Esther had told Dr. Nolan that she wants the kind offreedom that men have, but she feels that the threat of pregnancyhangs over her. She told her about the pamphlet on chastity hermother sent her, and Dr. Nolan laughed, called it propaganda, andgave her the name of a doctor who would help her. Esther goes tothe doctor to get fitted for a diaphragm. In the waiting room, sheobserves the women with babies and wonders at her own lack of maternalinstinct. The doctor is cheerfully unobtrusive, and as he fits herEsther thinks delightedly that she is gaining freedom from fearand freedom from marrying the wrong person. Her birth control acquired,Esther wants to find the right man with whom to lose her virginity.